Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
