so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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