He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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