And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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