508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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