I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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