Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
