I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
