The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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