He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
