I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
