I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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