I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
