But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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