Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
