then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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