it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
