Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
