My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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