Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
