u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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