yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
