So drunk its hurt
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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