Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
