So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize