do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
