I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think my fart just growled at me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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