I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
