The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
