too bad you live with your parents still
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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