Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
