Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
