pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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