what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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