hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
