Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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