Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
