I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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