the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I would fuck him just for his dog
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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