I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
