Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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