just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
