Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
