There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
