I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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