I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The best revenge is premature balding
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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