You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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