TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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