Nicole vs. Life
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
