Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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