I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she smelled like a LAN party
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
