The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
