Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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