JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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