Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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