is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize