i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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