I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize