I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
