One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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