please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
