I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
