I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
should my penis look like a turkey
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
