so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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