I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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