He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize