it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
