Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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