He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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