Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
