I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
