what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
