if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
