your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
