I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
