i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
