i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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