Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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