I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
