We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
