I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
