It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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