I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
