I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
