Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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