these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
