Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
