Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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