worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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