areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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