rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
