The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
