Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And then he peed in my hair
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