Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
