Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
