I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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