Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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