Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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