So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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