I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
